EXCUSES. EXCUSES.

So many excuses as to why I've not updated my blog. However, to save you time I will limit it to one! First trimester exhaustion. If I am not eating I am looking for a place to take a nap. My house is not clean, my garden is not weeded, my yard needs water and my blog needs an up-date. My children on the other hand are played with, read to, tickled and fed. My husband is not neglected and has more patience with me than I have ever given him credit for!

We had our first sonogram on Monday to peek at our Baby Buck. Masie Kate got to come with us. The night before I asked her, "what if we see two babies instead of one". She started crying and said one is enough! I totally agree. We saw one tiny but strong heart beat. Masie says the baby was standing on her (we're just used to girls) head. What a blessing it was to see this healthy 10wk old baby...I was deeply moved. Then it was if God decided to show off, the baby (3 cm in length) began to suck her thumb! We were all amazed and give God complete credit for the details of our Baby Buck. In the pictures of the sonogram she has the exact profile of her dad and sister Katelyn! My mind can hardly wrap around how creative God is.

Following is an entry from my journal regarding "Baby Buck"
May 2, 2008
It's 10:00 pm and I am starving!
Could it be you-
Whispering peanut butter and honey will see me through?
You are my darling, such a fresh thought.
It's been a few days since we got the news,
'We will be expecting a glorious you!
9 months is so long to wait.
Until then your sisters, daddy and I
will dream and pray for your coming -
Not a day late.
Your sister Masie has spread the news that
Katelyn is going to be the Big Sis of you.
You are known by God and growing in me.
I praise God that I am your mommy-to be!

Compare, Compete -Compacted!

At the end of my counseling session today with Ginger Gray, she said that I should ask God this question, "Lord who do YOU say I am?" I have cared way too much about how I measure up by the world's standards. I have had the habit of comparing my looks, my parenting, how clean my house is with everyone else. I have this picture in my head of a trash compactor - every time I make a comparison to someone else my self esteem gets compacted, squashed. The more I compare the more compacted I become - less able to see myself as the woman God created me to be. What goes in a trash compactor anyway? Things that get tossed. Not things that are treasured and certainly not things that will remain.

So during some spare time at EZ's restaurant I asked God the big question, "Who do YOU say I am?" I asked and expected a response...He's not just God, He's my Dad. I determined in my heart that I would write what came to mind, believe what I wrote and receive God's heart for me. Following is what I recorded:

Father, You are always more concerned with matters of the heart than of the face. Who do YOU say I am?
You, Stacy, my love are MY beloved daughter. You were made in MY image to bring glory and honor to ME. Your heart was made to cry out before me, to worship Me. I will break your heart for what breaks MINE. I send you out daily to bring MY light to dark places. I do this because your heart beats for ME not because of your face. You, Stacy, are glorious in my site. I love your sensitivity to MY voice. Keep listening for me, I will not be silent. Your world needs ME so go now...to the poor, abused, ashamed, alone. I will not let the world over take you because you belong to ME. You, I am fiercely protective of. Your heart is for ME and I am in love with you. Stay soft, seek My face and you will find it. Keep knocking and I will open the most unopenable doors.

It feels kind of silly sharing this love letter between me and God with you. However, imagine getting this kind of letter in the mail from someone important in your life. Ryan left me a note by the coffee pot a few months ago sharing his heart about me. I believed and received every word of it. In fact I have it on my fridge and read it all the time. I posted this so I would be reminded of God's thoughts toward me, His plan to light up my world by walking through it with me.

When I closed my journal at EZ's, sitting across from me was a military man, his wife and infant girl. I remembered what I just had written, "Your world needs ME so go now". I bought the couple two shakes - a chocolate and a vanilla - and had them delivered to their table. The man approached me later and asked if I was responsible? I looked a little guilty. He went on to tell me that his wife cried and said she thought that stuff only happened on commercials. I told him the price of those two shakes was nothing compared to the price he and his wife pay for me and my family. He got quiet, then responded, "I am about to be deployed". I told him I would pray for his wife while he was gone. His baby girl was one month old. May God send many people into his wife's life to surround her with support and encouragement. May God be with her in the lonely nights and with him in the face of the enemy. Bring that husband and father home, untouched by war. You are a God who is capable of miracles.

Now that is not the stuff that gets thrown into a trash compactor! God considers beautiful the feet (not the face) of the one who delivers good news! The simple action of milk shakes totally blessed me because God showed me his heart for these total strangers and for me...He cares! I know sharing this story with you ruins the honor of being anonymous. However, this is what God cares about - people- me and you. God uses us to bring a little of Him to everyday places. It is not the size of our jeans, the brand of our purses or the gym we belong to that matters to God. We were not created to compare ourselves to what gets thrown into a trash compactor - you were created to make a difference...which will remain long after we have gone. LOVE WINS!

Look for Him
Join Him today
In blessing a stranger along the way
It is exciting
It is fun
To be part of a work that God has begun
You never know what a simple act will do
But you will be better 'cause God called on you!

Blogalicious Babes!

Is this blog layout cute I mean blogalicious or what? When my friends Steph and Staci got into fixing up their blogs and discovering the world of HTML I settled in my heart that I would just be behind. It took me ALL day to come up with my old layout and plan - there is no way I could have made my lay out look like a scrapbook page. I told God that I would do my best not to covet their adorable, eye candy blogs and I would embrace the cold fact that I was to write and that is all I have time for. However, God had pity on my self-pity and gave my girlfriends the idea that there were lots of moms like me who have no time and little creativity. They are starting "blogalicious designs" and needed someone to practise on. God is so good because I think my site totally captures who I am, my style and all that I love. Thanks Steph and Staci! If you can't tell I REALLY want you to check out their own blogs to see what they've done. You'll love their creativity and they are both really good writers...so have fun! If you need some help starting your own blogalicious blog or need a "consult" about all this techie stuff -these girls are a dynamic duo!

Freedom-A Mother's Gift

For Mother's Day, I told Masie that I wanted to go out for breakfast. The idea of my kitchen staying clean through one more meal so appealed to me:) So Masie gave Ryan a sales pitch for me and we ended up at a very crowded Jim's. I devoured my buttermilk pancakes - I forgot how good pancakes taste when you don't have to cook them.

During breakfast we noticed a young beautiful mother, with 3 small little girls. One was in a baby carrier, the other little girl was about two in a darling green gingham dress, and the third little girl was about five who looked just like her mother. This mommy was at Jim's alone on Mother's Day.

Masie and I found the manager and asked if he would give us her ticket. It was time to check out and this little family was leaving at the same time. Masie made a be-line to her and her little chicks and told them that we bought their breakfast and wanted to share her candy with each of the girls. The mother, Monica, was so appreciative. Then she began to cry. She said her husband was in Iraq and it took a lot to be around happy people. I told her that God cares for her and her children and a free breakfast was a small way of showing it. Then we hugged... total strangers in a crowded restaurant with motherhood in common.

Looking back I wish I would have gotten her number. I can't get her and her babies out of my mind. How many other mom's were alone and even un-celebrated on Sunday? The rest of the day I spent praying for God to encourage and strengthen Monica as she ministers to each of her children with out a physical hug of affirmation from her husband.

It blows my mind how much freedom really costs and how for granted I take it. Monica was alone at Jim's on my behalf.

The best $20.00 I ever spent
Was on a mommy - she was heaven sent
All alone in a crowded place
This mommy had sadness on her face
Seemingly unnoticed but noticed by God
Was this mommy's longing
For her husband's hand...
His hand to hold, his hand to kiss
His hands were deeply missed.
The best $20.00 I ever spent
Was on a mommy -she was heaven sent
She doesn't know it but maybe she will
That God is so proud of her - sitting alone
So strong for her girls but longing for home
She doesn't know it but maybe she will
That God surrounds her and dances for this Mommy still.
This mommy danced even with rain
She danced for her children in the middle of her own pain
How heaven delights in motherhood,
The cost of freedom so misunderstood
The best $20.00 I ever spent
was to know that being a free American mommy is heaven sent.

Shield of Faith

Please join me in thanking God for His faithfulness, healing and perfect peace for the Buck family. We have seen God answer prayers, heal relationships and heal physically. Ron came home from the hospital on Friday. He was in the hospital 8 days. Eating was a little scary and rest was difficult but he managed. I never heard him complain. Carolyn, my mother-in-law, was by his side, caring for him, keeping him company and managing quiet during their stay. Many, many friends sent hilarious cards about "doctors visits" so that he had to hold a pillow over his stomach when he laughed.

Ron came home and is doing fantastic. He is walking, eating and getting bored:) We could not have asked for a better recovery. We have shared many meals with him and I am blown away how God has "shown off" with his son, Ron. Prayer really works - it is not coincidence, luck or by chance that Ron is doing so well. He doesn't have a colostomy, he doesn't throw up after eating, he still has all of his stomach, he delights in his grandchildren more than ever and gives God all the credit.

During surgery, Dr. Bodie, removed 26 lymph nodes and had them biopsied. Out of all 26, only one showed signs of cancer. After meeting with an oncologist, he ordered for Ron to go through 6 months of chemo for preventative measures. It will be the pill and IV form of chemo though. I know we prayed no chemo so it seems that God didn't answer our prayers. However, God knows the desires of our heart. He knows that we would rather have Ron experience life to it's fullest - embracing his grand children's children and walking the "senior" years with his wife. The chemo is low doses and should have minimal side effects. We also know God's hand is in this - the original plan was to remove 2 lymph nodes. - if this was done we may not of known until it was too late that cancer was spreading. God's timing is perfect. Have you scheduled a physical yet?

Ron and Carolyn had my children over last night. Katelyn (20 mo) disappeared and when Carolyn found her she was sitting right next to Poppy, leaning on him - loving on him. That is priceless and I say thank you for praying. Ron is an amazing, godly, gentle man who appreciates life and has gathered those he loves so very close. How different things could have been!

On a final note, I wanted to share some news that has blessed me. After our praise session and Ron finished quoting the "Never Let Go Song", Ron opened his eyes and looked directly at me and asked very clearly, "Stacy, are you pregnant?" If you know Ron, if you start talking about "womanly" things he turns red and will leave the room. Mind you he had been out of surgery just 45 min, has spoken blessings over each of his children and looks like he has seen God. So when he asked me this I was a little surprised - "Well, Poppy, I uh, I uh could be I guess...". Ron responded, "Well if you were I would be really really happy."

In August on my 10 year wedding aniv, I miscarried my 3rd child. Following this event I found out very quickly that you can sin in your grief. I have known God as my savior, my friend, my counselor but I had yet to know God as my comforter. As my comforter, He has used the least suspecting people to walk alongside me - hand picked by God to lift my face from the floor to the sky. Grief has subsided, healing has taken place and room has been made for another member of our family. I am not surprised that God used Ron, the "least suspecting" person to speak a blessing over the next member of our family. Ron and Carolyn will be welcoming their 12th grandchild into the world in early January 2009. (An even dozen is better anyways)

Eph 6:16, In every battle you will need FAITH as your SHIELD to stop the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan.

A "shield of faith" is what we use to defend ourselves in spiritual battles in this life. A "shield of faith" is hiding behind what God has already done in our lives. For example, when Ron and Carolyn look out their kitchen window they see a beautifully landscaped yard that was planted by hands that were not their own. God provided people to show them His love, care and existence. This is their "Shield of Faith" to face the next trial in their life. Their "Shield of Faith" is that God spared Ron's life for a reason - so Ron will hide behind that as he navigates through his life finding and fulfilling God's purpose. Ron's "Shield of Faith" is that God walked with him through cancer, surgery and recovery and HE will walk with him through the days of chemo. What was once ordinary everyday is now extrodanary every day because Ron has his "shield of faith" that life is precious, fragile and ment to be expeirienced with friends and family.

My "shield of faith" regarding this pregnancy is God is my comforter. He knows how to care for my heart better than I ever could. My "shield of faith" is knowing that God is who He says He is -all knowing - and I can rest in that. God is all knowing - He knows this child by name, has a story already written for this "Baby Buck", He even knows that sound of our child's voice even if I never hear it myself. My "shield of faith" is that God is faithful even in grief. My "shield of faith" is knowing that because of sorrow I devour the joy my children bring. Finally, what I know from this experience with Ron is prayer works. So I hide behind my "sheild of faith" believing many of you will pray for a healthy pregnancy and delivery of our "Baby Buck" and God will delight in the prayers of His people.

What has God done for you in the past? Scripture tells us that we NEED our "shield of faith" to STOP the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan.

There is a very real enemy for your life
This enemy steals joy and causes strife
There is a very real God who has plans for you
Stand behind what He has done
Pick up your shield of faith
The enemy is sure to run
Satan may try with all his might-
he'll focus his scope, sharpen his arrows, he's got you in his site
Do not fear
The lamb of God has drawn you near
Peace be with you, Do not fear
For I AM has whispered in your ear
Walk with ME, lay your burdens down
In life you will have trials, surely suffering too
Pick up your shield of faith
God almighty has walked with you.
Fiery arrows will come your way
but this day they did not hit they did not stay
For you recognized God and what He has done along the way.

May God meet you where you are -

Stacy

Shouts of Joy

Wow! The last 15 days have been packed with desperate pleas and crying to God for him to heal my father-in-law, Ron Buck. When he was diagnosed with colon cancer we were totally shocked. He had all appearances of health, good looks and no symptoms. He just went in for an annual physical. When the blood work showed his iron was low and blood in a stool sample, a colonoscopy was ordered. For you men who cringe at the word - you are completely sedated when this procedure takes place. I know that Ron would encourage every man 40 and over to be wise. If Ron would have waited one more year - we would be planning his funeral! If one person is encouraged to schedule an annual physical because of Ron - every ounce of this has been worth it!

On Wednesday, April 23, our pastors and a few members of our church staff came out to Ron's house for prayer. I know that our prayers (yours included) did not just fall into empty air. However, each request fell at the feet of God. We had a fantastic time of prayer. Ron shared his heart about having cancer. He said if one person is "spiritually" encouraged and healed because of his suffering it was all worth it. Ron also shared that he has total peace with God and every tear that he has shed is not because of the "c word" or surgery - his tears have been because he has experienced the overwhelming love that God feels for him through people - you and me! Carolyn said that her heart is being healed through this experience. She shared that God loves and accepts her "just as she is". She didn't have to be a perfect Christian before God poured out His peace on her. God met her where she was, lavished her as a father lavishes his daughter, and brought her PERFECT PEACE. All the while, Carolyn took hold of God's extended hand and joined Him in her journey!

When the prayer session was over, we walked our pastors to their car. In the distance, praise music was playing. We live in the country and our neighbors are acres apart. It was as if angels were singing from a mountaintop, "How great is our God! All the world will see, how great is our God!". I am not kidding - those words of praise-"All the world will see, how great is our God!" really were playing somewhere in my neighborhood! What a perfect promise. We were all so encouraged.

By the time Ron went into surgery yesterday, we were prayed up and strengthened by your prayers. My sister-in-law Toni prayed for boldness. She asked the surgeon, "How do you know the cancer is still there? Our family is a praying family and we believe that God is going to heal my dad." That's pretty bold. As we waited, we were surrounded by close friends and family. A friend sent an ice chest of cold drinks and the most delicious ham salad! We were so taken care of. The final hour of waiting, we fought to maintain our peace. I think each of us were in our own battle of believing God for the best. At exactly 4:00 Dr. Bodie came and got us. He took us to the 7th floor to the SSICU.

Grab onto your seats! The next few paragraphs are a direct result of YOUR prayers. As you read this, I pray that God would show Himself to you as the loving, accepting, perfect God He is. You were part of a miracle! He has a plan for our family and He has a plan for yours! It is called destiny and my prayer is that You would accept God's extended hand and join HIM in your journey!

Dr. Bodie said that Ron's white blood cell count was elevated and he had a slight temperature when Ron first went in. With those two discoveries Dr. Bodie was prepared to find the worst. The cancer in his large intestine was removed (plan A all the way). Dr. Bodie SEARCHED for more cancer and found NONE! There was no "seepage" which would've been Stage 3 Colon Cancer! There was nothing else - zip - zero - zilch! Dr. Bodie removed the 2 lymph nodes that showed up "questionable" on the original CTscan. HOWEVER, he said they looked FINE. It is possible the pathology report will say cancer cells were found in the lymph nodes and chemo will be needed. However, nothing is impossible with God!

Here is the part that gets me! Dr. Bodie said to our gathered family, "I hear you are a family of prayer. That was a PERFECT surgery - from start to finish. If it were a perfect world that is the kind of surgery people would experience." Whether Dr. Bodie believes in God or not - He sure credited the SUCCESS to PRAYER! We gathered together in the hall way and gave God thanks. Dr. Bodie asked we pray that he wouldn't have to take call this weekend:)

About 45 min after the surgery, Ron was receiving visitors! He called for each of his children and spoke a blessing to each one of them. He was completely coherent, remembering the tiniest details of his loved ones. When I went in there I was SHOCKED. Methodist should have taken his picture for surgery advertisement. He looked 20 years younger! His color was tan (glowing), his face was full - not gaunt. It was amazing to see him look so HEALTHY - just 45 min earlier he was having a surgery that could have taken his life and there he was looking like he could have been on the cover of GQ! He looked better after the surgery than he did before.

Carolyn, Toni and I held Ron's hands and began to praise God. Ron, with tubes in his mouth and eyes closed began to whisper the words to Matt Redman's, You Never Let Go:

Oh no, You never let go through the calm and through the storm. Oh no, You never let go in every high and every low. Oh no, You never let go, Lord, You never let go of me.

God fulfilled His promise of peace.

He showed up during the storm.

He held onto Ron with all His might.

God's perfect plan for Ron was given flight

The first almost 60 years

were filled with joy and sometimes tears

The years ahead will be different

God met his son, let him taste peace

When the going gets tough, Ron, remember Me

As you walk along the way

Gather your grandchildren

(Tyler, Taryn, Tristan, Hannah, Tate, Kendall, Masie Kate, Teagan, Darian, T, Katelyn) and say

"There was a time when I knew God and He knew me...

but there was a DAY when he returned life to me and set me free."

Ron sat with his DAD, perched on His knee.

God said, "Live each day out loud for me - telling all about eternity."

If God had chosen to take Ron to His heavenly home -

Ron would be okay because Jesus he has known.

How about you? Would you say?

Our life on earth is so very short, an eternity is a long time to stay...

Give God your heart - He'll give you His home

He'll walk with you through tomorrow's unknown.

Friends, Family and Passers by we are overwhelmed, for God heard your cry

Peace we have walked in, Peace we will stay

We are better because you joined us along the way.

Many, Many, Thanks!

Those who plant showers of tears will harvest SHOUTS OF JOY! Psalm 126:5

Sit With Me

As we prepared for Easter, I was humbled when I spoke to Masie Kate about the upcoming holiday. All she could talk about was the Easter Bunny and all the candy she was going to get. I felt sick about this but honestly knew that I was responsible for Masie's focus. I began praying about what God wanted for my family and how to celebrate the miracle of Jesus' resurrection. I was surprised when the first thing that came to mind was, "The Last Supper".

The Last Supper was a special time for Jesus and His disciples. Jesus knew what events lay ahead of Him. He reserved an "upper room". Just think of the size of the table...it had to seat at least 13. He prepared a table for His dearly loved, knowing that many of them would soon be His enemy. He removed their sandals, washed and rubbed their tired feet. This wasn't a "Board Room" type meeting...Jesus didn't hand out agendas or address the "heat" coming from all the religious leaders. Jesus knew that He was going to be crucified and His disciples were going to experience the excruciating grief of losing a loved one, the painful memories of their King being stripped of every earthly dignity and the black shadow of shame. So what did Jesus do? He met their most basic needs. He set His table for the ones He loved with the expectation of outrageously and humbly serving all who entered that room.

When I know that suffering is ahead the last thing I think about is the needs of everyone else. For example with my youngest, Katelyn, I had a "scheduled" delivery. I loved knowing the day she would be born because I got to wrap up the thousands of details prior to "D" day. I knew from previous experience:) that they do not call "labor" labor for nothing. Pain was coming. So the day before, I completely and totally pampered myself. I had a pedicure...which was paid for by a total stranger. She either felt sorry for the condition of my huge ankles or she shared in my expectation for the uncertainties the next day held. I had my house cleaned by someone other than myself. My father chauffeured me around to make returns and exchanges. My mother tolerated my moodiness. My parents took me to lunch, dinner, and dinner again (hey I couldn't eat after midnight!). My husband being the brilliant man that he is stayed home and planted our fall garden. I think he was preparing for the worst...waiting on me hand and foot. The day was about me, for tomorrow held the birth of a new chapter of service, love and devotion.

When I thought about Jesus and His servanthood to His little family I was overwhelmed. I knew that I was to try and model His example. So I prepared to feed, serve and go over the top in any area I was capable of with Masie Kate at my side. I went to foodnetwork.com and gathered recipes that I could manage for our Easter brunch. I made a Tangerine Glazed Ham. Masie squeezed 8 tangerines to make the 2 cups of juice it called for (my floor is still sticky). We made lemon poppy seed muffins from scratch - next time I will open a box. However, this year I wanted our hands to do the work. Besides, if nothing I served was homemade then the prayers would have been limited because all my guests knew that I am not the most experienced cook and sometimes it's a prayer that will allow you to stomach what I've prepared. We served Paula Deen's recipe for, Pecan Praline French Toast Casserole. I have never had more cream and butter in my fridge for one occasion. We ate so good. Ryan picks on me and swears that ham was the best brisket he has ever had:)

Masie and I collected the best dishes we could put our hands on. We laid our lace table cloth and set out new robins egg blue place mats. She is all about finishing touches - we made place cards, we printed the menu and we hunted Easter morning for Mountain Laurels that were freshly bloomed. When you entered our house Easter morning all of your senses were awakened...the table was beautiful, the combination of citrus from the ham and cinnamon from the french toast told your mouth that something delicious was coming, there was the sound of laughter and conversation (joy), and the holding of hands as we gathered to bless the food overwhelmed me personally.

The whole week leading up to this Easter Sunday I got to speak to Masie about the last supper, Jesus death (we went to the Good Friday service at church) and His resurrection. Our conversations happened naturally as we made preparations for our guests. She loved it and loved that she was at my side. I remember her response when I gave her the job of zesting lemons for the muffins. She hugged me and told me I was the best mom ever. The whole experience blessed me. I loved that my little hostess greeted the guests, served drinks and worked hard at being gentle to her pesky sister.

God had my attention. Masie and I prepared our table because we had the expectation that the seats would be sat in, the glasses filled and the forks used. We didn't prepare the table just to be looked at but to be sat at. We knew the most important part of the Brunch was not the food or the table but it was our guests. With every detail complete I heard the whisper of God telling me, "I've a place for you at My table. Come sit with Me, let Me feed and comfort you. Come sit at My table and rest awhile...for I know what tomorrow holds so sit with Me today. "

Easter really was a celebration this year in our home. We celebrated who Jesus is. He is our servant, our provider, our comforter, our perfect portion of love and grace. Jesus cares for the needs of His people. Easter will be here again next year but tonight I will prepare my table for my family and remember that I am modeling the care that Jesus gave His disciples. I imagine out of all the miracles and time spent with Jesus that the most remembered and cherished time was when Jesus took care of them. There were many important people in Jesus' life and important places for Jesus to go...but on His last night He showed there were none more important than those around His table.

God has a place for you at His table.

The ministry of your everyday

requires time to sit and pray.

Come to His table and sit a while.

I can't imagine the size of your Host's smile.

You have an important job to do

So let the Host prepare a meal for you.

You will be nourished, your body given strength

Your soul will not be thirsty

Sit a while and drink.

Sit with me says the Host

I am Your Father and I love You the most.

Stay at my table as long as you like

The ministry of your life is not an easy hike.

Eat until you are full, tell me about your day

For I know the plans I have for you

Just sit with me along the way.