Please Pray

Hey friends, family and passers by! My family is in need of prayer. In April/May we began to notice Masie Kate (5) doing some really weird things with her eyes. It's hard to describe in words - it's something you have to see for yourself. During the summer, other family members began to notice the funny "head jerk" and eye movement also. We thought it may have been from all the diving and swimming but decided to take her to a well known Ped. Ophthalmologist in August. After a 3 hour eye exam, she has 20/20 vision and no real explanation of the funny eye movement. We decided to drop all conversations of it and just observe her for a while - maybe it was just a weird habit.

In the last 4 weeks, it has gotten much worse. Sometimes it happens multiple times in a row where I have trouble getting her attention. Ryan and I decided it was time to talk with her about it. Her description has opened many doors of possible explanations. She said she is seeing "black bubbles" and when she jerks her head and moves her eyes she is trying to clear them. She says that if she tilts her head back she sees "sparkles" and has to bend her chin down to get clear vision again. I asked if she was having head aches and she said yes. I asked her why she hasn't told me and she replied, "I don't want to take yucky medicine".

Early Monday morning, I had a "come to Jesus" so to speak. I told God that I was going to CHOOSE to walk in peace and fight off fear but I had one request...an explanation. At 8:00 I called the Opth. and asked for an appointment (which I knew I would have to wait for - he's the busiest in SA). After describing what was going on with our girl, they got me in at 1:45 that day. The DR. gave us his diagnosis (what he thinks is the problem). Its called Congenital Oculomoter Apraxia (COMA). However, he wanted us to see a Ped. Neurologist and have an MRI just to rule out anything else. The only problem with his diagnosis is it doesn't address AT ALL the bubbles and sparkles MK is experiencing. Also, the "head jerking" isn't because she can't move her eyes its because she's trying to clear her vision.

We have an appointment with the Ped. Neurologist tomorrow at 9:15 and a MRI Monday at 9:45. At first we weren't going to be seen until mid December but after an explanation we got our slot in just two days (God is good). Here is where you come in...

Please pray for the following:

1. For Masie to be completely honest in her responses. That she would not feel ANY pressure to say what she thinks we want to hear. This is so important for an authentic evaluation.

2. That I would recall ANY detail in the last few months that is out of character for her and not feel silly about documenting it. In the last two weeks she has complained of her legs aching, her back hurting and has asked to take a nap a few times...yet has continued to play her guts out!

3. That Dr. Gay would be able to determine what is going on. That he would be full of understanding towards me and Masie, would speak in such a way that I could understand and most importantly that he would go with his gut. Two Drs. have told me that they feel certain that the MRI will be clear and that the Neuro report would be negative for anything out of the ordinary. That would be great however, I want to be certain and I am asking for God to pour out discernment and wisdom on Dr. Gay.

4. Finally, please pray that all of this would be resolved quickly. I know God is capable of healing with no further explanation. However, if He chooses not to, I am trusting Him for an explanation so I can have a "sound mind" and not live in the "what ifs" and speculation.

When we get through at the Neurologist I will send out an update - even if things are still up in the air.

With much hope-

Stacy

The Innocence Preserve

We have all heard of wildlife preserves. A sacred place where nearly extinct animals can be themselves - a natural habitat that is fiercely protected in an attempt to bring back a dying breed. Well, this past year Ryan and I have worked on creating an "Innocence Preserve" in our backyard. Our mission is to create a sacred habitat for our children that is fiercely protected in an attempt to preserve the ever fleeting innocence of childhood. In my own life, childhood slipped mysteriously from my grasp so very early.

We began with a creek. We wanted a place were children and adults would want to be together. Ryan dug and excavated (literally) through all kinds of rocks. He and I mixed our own concrete for the surrounding sidewalk and bottom our our creek. Ryan hunted and collected rocks from our property to build the banks of the creek, rock paths and even found a perfect rock for a bridge. Did I mention we live in the Hill Country with nothing but rocks? Ryan used his eye for art and engineering mind to create a creek that looks like you stumbled upon it. Adults and children can not resist putting their feet in - the sound of the waterfalls call you to come and stay awhile.

We have been so blessed by the creativity and laughter of the children that have buzzed in the creek. The favorite past time of my girls is playing "Little House of the Prairie". They wash their dishes in the creek, they strip to their underwear to wash their clothes in the creek and hang them to dry across the bridge. Through out the summer our freezer was stocked (still is) with Popsicles. We are known to have Popsicle dates at the creek first thing in the morning...truly a perfect Popsicle paradise.

Next came the cabana. Ryan built it from cedar cut from my brother-in-law's property and roofed it with tin given to us by his Uncle (many, many thanks). The cabana is unfinished but one day there will be a smoker, grill, storage cabinets and a huge cedar table that can fit a dozen or more of our friends and family. A grown up recreation area to enjoy the sounds of God. We have great expectation of long conversations that build each other up, great food that gives life to our bodies and fantastic sights that inspire us to love what is lovely. Maybe you will join us:)

Finally, the Shanty as Masie Kate fondly calls it. Ryan built a little house (6ft in the air) for our girls to practice being mommies, wives, sisters, princesses and whatever else their girlhood hearts conjure up. To enter their domain, they can cross a Swiss Family Robinson bridge from our deck or they can climb a windmill and scamper a catwalk that invites you to knock on their door. They have a slide that comes out of the back of their house for grand exits and quick escapes! Baking in their garage sale kitchen is an acorn pie, bubbling over on the stove is soup de jour made with magical broth from the creek and to drink in the tiniest tea cups is rose petal tea. Sounds delightful doesn't it!

The Innocence Preserve really is the most wonderful and powerful place in our lives. When our children are grown, when the cousins return from college and distant friends look back our hope is they will remember fondly of the sites, smells and sounds of their childhood. Maybe we will be part of a lasting memory that brings a smile to their face. Innocence is so easily snatched, so quickly gone earlier and earlier these days. Join with us, make a place, create a space, set your heart to protect the sacred ground of childhood that God has entrusted to you whether through your kids, grandkids, neighbors or students. Let's turn off the T.V. (I know its hard trust me-I battle it every day) and go outside for a while. Be amazed and give God glory for He is in the midst of children.

Blessed are the pure in heart

Lord, teach me how to protect them from the start

Give me nerve

To fight the fight of our Innocence Preserve

Bring me the child you've created to be free

Let the children come is what You've spoken to me.

With each child You send accross our path

May we embrace and nurture the innocent or face Your wrath.

How precious to you are the pure in heart

May we pass on a legacy to those we love

That lives on when we are apart.

This Innocence Preserve we dedicate to YOU

You are our hope to see our prince and princesses through.

Almost Mother of Three

Lord it's me.
You know,
the woman who is about to be a mother to three.
We've come so far - You and me...
Fighting the fight to overcome insecurity.
Lord, just this week, I've taken a tumble.
My feet are moving so fast they easily stumble.
The mountain of expectations are so high...
The laundry room is scattered with clothes,
Both my girls have a runny nose,
Sticky fingerprints I find through the house,
If you look around I must be a slouch...Did you not see the
snot marks on my couch?
It seems the work is never completely done and surely there isn't time for Your Son.
The pressure is mounting,
No wonder my smiling lips are frowning.
Am I the woman You want me to be?
Are You sure about this almost mother of three?

Ahhhh, what's that Lord? Is it Your voice?
It's hard to hear for all the noise. So many opinions,
so many better than me. Especailly, those mommies who have at LEAST three.


The truth is, Stacy, there is none like you.
Quit your moping, you've got a job to do.
It is not the clean toilet others see that gets you closer to Me.
Surrender those thoughts about expectations and pressure -
My shoulders are big, yours are lesser.
Those little girls, snotty noses and all,
are blessings not curses especially when you fall.
Hold your head up, get your knees dirty,
embrace the woman I've made you, now that you are thirty.
We've come so far, you and ME.
My love for you sometimes you can't see.
Just look around, I AM is in your midst.
Even when you are moody and tift...
You are My beloved, You belong to Me.
There is no one else, there never could be-
For, You are THE Mother I've
hand picked for your bundle of three.

Catching Up

Since my last blog, an entire summer has come and gone. Today a much needed breeze is blowing and the temperature outside hints that Fall is around the corner. This Summer was full of Summer things...sunscreen, bug spray, swimsuits, loads and loads of pool laundry, a sandy car from a weekend at the beach. Our beach trip in June wasn't what I would call a success. We stayed in an RV with my in-laws, whom I love, and two tired little girls. The first night Masie was crying that she wanted to go home, Katelyn locked us all out of the RV and was a nightmare to get to lay down and go to sleep. We ended up having a good time but returned looking dazed and confused. The next vacation we go on I have a feeling my in-laws will "have other plans:)" Bless them!

In July, I turned 30. Instead of a big bash I asked for a weekend away with Ryan. We went to Canyon Lake and stayed at a great Bed and Breakfast. That same week we had a sonogram telling us who we should be expecting in December. I refused all these months to entertain the idea of a son. We completely embraced with enthusiasm and joy the idea of three little girls. The morning of my sonogram I had a dream that I showed up at my Father-In-Law's work with blue balloons. I quickly dismissed the dream because I was not going to be disappointed when the Dr. told me we were having a girl. Well to our amazement, surprise and joy our little girl is in fact a little boy! Gunner Buck will be here a few days after Christmas.

Later that day, I was pondering the name Gunner. The image that kept coming to mind was of a little boy with blonde hair holding a large shield and dragging a heavy sword...then I discovered the meaning of Gunner is "Bold Warrior". We can't wait to meet him and know that our best dreams for him are nothing compared to the plans God has already laid for our son.

Katelyn, turned two on Friday, September 12th. If you ask her how old she is she will gladly hold up one finger and tell you, "I'm eight". She has her moments of tantrums and wanting things her way but she is quick to say, 'I sorry mama". She and Masie are sharing a room and it blesses me when I find them playing dress up or snuggled in bed together looking at a book. Katelyn is so funny - last night she said she had a booger on her finger then said 'jus joking'. She has added so much to our family - life without her would be dull and lacking in sunshine.

Masie Kate has turned out to be a great big sister and enjoys being the leader of our little flock. She told Katelyn lovingly that she would be spending time with the baby when he gets here so do not be sad. We started Kinder with her Sept 1st and are doing great. She is bright, articulate and creative. We've read great books this summer - the Narnia Series, Nancy Drew, and we just finished listening to Little Women - a 24 hr tape series that held her attention, captivated her imagination and inspired us to love wholesome girlhood and family! We are very proud of her and believe that with time her heart will continue to grow for God blessing all who cross her path.

Re-reading my last blog entry, I am confident that the last few months have been spent in the most meaningful way...the hearts of my family. Much growth has taken place and I look forward to a rich harvest that may be years and years away.

Many of you are wondering how my Father-In-Law is doing. The journey of Cancer has been a catalyst for spiritual growth in each member of our family - especially Ron's. It's amazing what a glimpse of the end of your life will do to the rest of your life. Ron is no longer taking chemo through IV but is taking it in pill form. The side effects have been minimal and his future looks very optimistic for him to be completely cancer free. We will have confirmation in another month or so that all is well. Thank you for your prayers...every one of them were heard!

Even Though

A few weeks ago, I hired a babysitter to entertain my children so I could have a morning in the garden. My husband, mother-in-law and I had daunting tasks before us. Weeds! Everywhere I looked there were weeds to be pulled. In every row, crowding every plant, as far as the eye could see...weeds. My husband does most of the planting, all of the organic concocting (I can't handle the smells of that stuff) and most of the really hard labor. The weeds are left to me...simple right? This job would be ideal if I had no other responsibilities - no home to clean-then clean again, no children that need attention, no diapers to change, no tears to wipe, no stories to tell, no porch plants to water, no car to clean out (which rarely happens), no phone to answer, no groceries to be bought, no laundry to do...I know you could go on and on too.

So I finally get out to the garden without my almost two year old sitting in my lap, crawling through my arms or standing in an ant pile. I start with one row in mind - if I could just get one row weeded the morning would be a success. However, as I sat in the quiet (enjoying it thoroughly), I began to feel "condemned" by the job I had done the last few months in the garden. I mean pulling weeds was the ONLY job I had out there. Obviously if I had to hire a babysitter, ask for help from my mother-in-law and give my husband the "big brown eyed - please come to my aide look" I failed at my job. I began to feel discouraged even disgusted with the shape of our treasured place.

God didn't let this abuse go on for very long. The Lord began to whisper these two words to me, "Even though..." Those words began to roll through my whole body eventually landing gently in the sacred ground of my heart. "Even though" the weeds were evidence of nothing more than lack of time - not ability or laziness - our garden still produced wonderful fruit and time spent as a family. The roses from mother's day were planted "Even though" none had really bloomed - yet. Our tomato branches are loaded with delicious tomatoes that my girls pick and eat right there "Even Though" weeds surround every bush. I have had fresh sunflower bouquets every week for two months now "Even Though" my daughters have to go through a chigger forest to cut them. My girls have had a blast picking ripe grapes from our arbor "EvenThough" they are sour as sin. We have a pantry full of pickeled okra, carrots, pepporcini peppers, green beans, cucumbers and the best roasted salsa you've ever tasted, "Even Though" our crop didn't produce as expected.
The point I felt God was making was this: "Even Though" you will never be perfect, your soil will never be with out work YOU will still produce fruit for I AM is your gardener. All that HE touches "Even Though" with imperfections still brings glory to HIM.

So, "Even Though" in this season of my life I do not write/blog everyday, I have no important meetings to go to (except my next dr.s apt.), I get angry with my children, I've secretly ordered a milk shake from DQ... God is still very much part of my life. He is my soul's gardener and He is never too busy, too distracted or too good to get His hands dirty in the details of my heart.

Today, I am praising God for the "Even Though" in my life.
I will continue to strive to give God my very best.
Knowing this will bless my husband, my kids and the rest.
The "Even Though" keeps me looking ahead
Not on the imperfect, what once was or the dead.
The "Even Though" holds my head high
For the "Even Though" is ment to draw me nigh
To my Saviour -it's only in HIM that I can boast
With out the "Even Tough" my pride would make me roast.

OH - One more thing! One day (a long, long, time from now) our garden may be featured in a magazine for it's beauty and win all kinds of awards but my home will be empty. There will be no diapers to change, stories to tell or little hands to hold. The only tears I will have to wipe will be my own. So in the mean time I'll weed when I get the chance and sow seeds of kindness, goodness, gentleness (on good days) to my precious children - the most fertile ground entrusted to me. It won't be long and my season for planting will have passed and the flowers of their childhood will be but faded memories. If you ever stop by my blog and are dissapointed that nothing new has been posted know that I am in the garden of my family life and I'll write when the next spare quiet moment appears..."Even Though" they may be few:)

May God meet you where you are "Even Though" you may not like the place you are in.

Stacy

The Daddies That Did

This is a story about Daddies

who wanted to show God to their kids.

They planned, packed, kissed the mommies good-bye

and camping is what they did!

The Daddies arrived, the children unloaded.

Tents were pitched. Agendas were ditched.

Off to explore,

little Indians ran and played.

The Daddies inhaled

and praised God for the splendid day.

God took the praise

and replied in the form of a kiss-

From their little children

whose mommies they did not miss.

These Daddies wanted to show

God to their kids

So they rallied their troops, put on hiking boots

and ascended the Mountain is what they did.

The path was beaten, the children arrived

a little tattered and bruised

But how could you explain

with words a beautiful view?

The rocks, the trees, the buzzing of bees

revealed God along the way.

But the view from the top

removed any words they could say.

The children praised God

for His amazing creation plan.

God received their praise and returned it

with their Daddies extended hands.

There were some Daddies who wanted to show

God to their kids....

So they descended the Mountain, grabbed a snack

and to the river is what they did.

The sound of rushing water, the feel of pebbles smooth

and the still reflection of the sky blue

Were all ways of God showing His kids

how He delights in you.

The Daddies gave God praise for creating

a perfect place to play and splash.

God received the praise and sent it back with

the glorious sound of their children's laugh.

There were some Daddies who wanted to show

God to their kids.

They built a fire for their children

to dry off and warm.

They cooked them supper and fed them campfire entrees

that were not the everyday norm.

They laughed and played,

giggled, talked and chattered.

The children delighted in the fact that they had

their Daddies and nothing else mattered.

There were some Daddies who wanted to show

God to their kids...

it's no surprise

that is exactly what they did!

No Petals Missing

When I turned 18 Ryan gave me a poem for my birthday, "The White Rose". I won't share the whole poem but just a piece that God has been using to minister to me recently, "She is like the white rose with no petals missing. God has mended them back together. During my prayers He was listening." White roses have been a symbol that God has used to remind me of my salvation. The cleansing and healing that began when I said yes to Jesus' offer of a new start (1 Cor 5:17). I've been a Christian now for almost 12 years. To this day I can't pass up a white rose with out fondly remembering my first love Jesus and my second, Ryan the man who introduced me to Him.

Mother's Day, we stopped by Lowes for who knows what. The next thing I know, Ryan comes out of the garden center with 2 huge rolling tower carts loaded with Jackson and Perkins 5 gallon rose bushes. They were somewhat neglected but for the most part in decent condition. The manager wanted to make room for more inventory and sold each cart to us for $25.00. The bill was over $900.00 worth of roses that we got for $50.00. As we unloaded them onto our driveway God brought the "no petals missing" phrase to mind. I began to investigate each rose bush for color - we had every color you can think of - Veterans Honor(Red), Knock Out(Magenta), Tahitian Sunset(Peachy/Orange) - but there was one I had my eye out for. In the midst of a rainbow of colors there was ONE pure white rose bush. I was flooded with AWE as to how God reminded me on Mother's Day of my salvation, my new start, the changes in my heart. How different my life would be with out my God.

There would be petals missing. No healing. Broken. Misplaced. No joy. No peace. No freedom. Tainted love. Petals missing, gaping holes, wounds that wouldn't heal. No hope.

My husband has played such a HUGE role in taking me to God. For when I did not know God, Ryan prayed that his wife would. Ryan, though a sophomore in High School, prayed for his wife - not knowing her difficulty, shame or strife. No petals missing, thank God during his prayer's heaven was listening.

If you get to come our way
Notice the roses
Sit and stay
For my husband planted each one
He has praised God that I walk with the Son
No Petals Missing
My life full and complete
Fresh from our garden
Fragrance blooms
I thank God for my groom.

Two little girls, love to play
Come to me with petals they've picked that day
No Petals missing
My life full and complete
My husband, my friend,
You brought me to Jesus' feet.

Ryan, God hears your prayers!