Twas The Night Before Gunner Came

'Twas the night before Gunner came

I walked through my house.

The rooms have been tidied and

Snot marks removed from the couch.

The laundry's been done, the sheets have been changed

The car has been cleaned, all bags have been packed

I even have a stash for a midnight hospital snack.

'Twas the night before Gunner came,

I walked through my house

Knowing that tomorrow few things will be the same.

My Masie Kate will be the big boss (I mean sister) of two.

Precious baby Katelyn, I wonder how she will do?

Tomorrow will bring this chapter to a close.

The beginning of a new season will be here with dawn.

As I lay down to sleep the memory of this chapter in my heart they will keep.

'Twas the night before Gunner came,

I really don't know him except for his name.

His eyes, the color of his hair - if he has dimples

Will his skin be olive or fair?

Down to the details of his tiny toes are still a mystery to me...

But are details my God knows.

These secrets are kept and written by God's hand

In the book of Gunner's life which is about to begin.

'Twas the night before Gunner came

I lay all I love at God's feet.

A simple yet precious offering my god will receive.

My heart is so full, overflowing yet incomplete.

Tomorrow God will open a door of my heart.

The love for my Gunner will never part.

God doesn't just make room to squeeze a little more love into your life.

He opens our heart - expands it a little.

Before you know it your love tank is just the right size and fit as a fiddle.

'Twas the night before Gunner came...

I know you Lord will be in the room -

Handing him to me.

My children are yours.

On loan for a while -

May all I give to them leave You with a smile.

I am your girl and You are my God.

'Twas the night before Gunner came

I sleep now with your approving nod!

Princess Peace

When Katelyn was about 3months old, I was getting her out of my mom's bathtub and I felt the Lord whisper, "Stacy, this is your peace keeper". That has proven to be the truth. Katelyn can't stand conflict. She is so quick to say, "I sorry" or if something wrong has been done to her she says, "I be alright" or "it okay". She has better manners than most adults I know - mamam (yes mam), peeese and tankyou for thank you. When you lay her down for a nap she will ask, "Will you seep with me?". On occasion I will lay with her. She wraps her hands around my neck and squeezes with great enthusiasm. She takes the palm of her hand and strokes your face from your ear to your chin and whispers under her pacifier, "I wuv you". She cleans up her own messes, says, "i really sorry" if she spills something and has this great ability to make people laugh. Katelyn is great medicine for our souls even if you only take her in small doses.

All Is Well That Ends Well

"All is well that ends well" is my favorite quote from Ma on Little House on the Prairie. I find myself saying it often because it is the truth. Masie had her MRI today. The apt. was scheduled for 10:00 but as we were leaving they rescheduled it for 1:00. Are you grumpy when you are hungry? Masie had to fast prior to the MRI and at 8:30 she was melting from hunger! So to move that apt. sent me into a panic attack. Mimi (Ryan's mom) came to the rescue. Masie went next door to Mimi's to get some beef broth. When she reached her door tears were streaming down Masie's face. When Mimi told Masie that popsicles were part of a liquid diet tears turned into a huge smile. Mimi sent Masie home with popsicles, beef broth and a new box of play dough. My home was happy again and before long it was time to go. My girls have fantastic grandparents who do heroic acts for their grandchildren on a regular basis. Thank you!

We were greeted by a wonderful nurse named Jenny. Masie bought her sales pitch instantly of being a big girl and trying to have the MRI with out sedation. As we were about to go in, Ryan surprised us (he was at work) and was able to be in the room with Masie as the MRI was taking place. Since I am very pregnant they would not have let me go in there with Masie. If the apt. had been earlier there was no guarantee that Ryan would have been able to come. "All's well that ends well."

We are so proud of Masie for being so brave. She followed directions perfectly, had a great attitude and had NO FEAR of the machine or being enclosed. When they injected dye in through her vein they had to try 3 times. It wasn't until the 3rd time that she shed a tear. She quickly calmed down and finished the rest of the procedure. Her Dad being the brilliant man that he is brought a large bag of sour twizzlers that was the carrot at the end of the race. She earned every bit of that.

While I was waiting outside the room, God continued to minister this verse to me, "Fear not for I am with you always". Even though Ryan was in the room with Masie and I was just footsteps from the door - I hated that Masie was enclosed in that big machine by herself. I would have given anything to lay beside her and hold her hand. As I prayed for Masie the promise of God settled into my heart - God is with my girl always. He can go places I can not and with that comes MUCH peace.

We got word tonight that her MRI is clear and there was nothing abnormal that showed up. The DR. felt that no other testing is necessary and that we are just to observe her for awhile. I have TOTAL peace about that conclusion. In my gut I feel like it is just a weird habit or tic that she will grow out of. Thank you so much for every prayer that was prayed for our family. I do not regret for a second including you in the events of this last week. God delights in the prayers of His people. Every kind word, thought and prayer has been deeeeeply appreciated. AHHHHHH! I feel better knowing that "All's well that ends well".

On a final note, I want to share something pretty amazing. As we were leaving the nurse came to us with a gift. It was an xray of Masie's brain. As I was looking at it with my mother-in-law, she said, "It looks like Jesus on the cross" in the center of her brain. I was instantly reminded of God's promise to me, "Fear not for I am with You always". The picture I posted was my best attempt of giving you real proof of this promise and no I'm not going to sell it on ebay...even though some extra Christmas money would be nice:) Look at the image again...Jesus in the middle of the hard wiring of a 5 year old. There is a God.

God can go places you can not

He is with you in case you forgot

Do not be afraid for He loves you so

He is with you where ever you go.

Embrace His hand - He's got yours tight

You can try as you might to pull yours away

But in His hands you will firmly stay.

Take a deep breath for He is walking with you

He is your help -He will see you through.

Masie Kate is My beloved but she is not my only.

My promise to her is my promise to you,

"Fear not - I AM is with you always".

Better News

We just got home and wanted to thank everyone for your prayers and encouragement. The Neurologist doesn't think that COMA fits as a diagnosis. She is able to move her eyes with out moving her head. He also doesn't think that it is a "brain" issue either. When Masie closes her eyes the black spots go away - if it were a migraine for example the black images/sparkles would still be present (in her mind). He feels like the MRI is still necessary and wants us to be seen by a Pedi Neuro Opthalmologist as a "tie breaker" so to speak.

So we still do not have any cut and dry answers. I am confident the MRI will be clear. The Neurologist feels that it may be some sort of "tick" that may be exercised under stress or exhaustion. I do not feel AT ALL that there are any life altering issues we are dealing with. Last night however was a different story. Again, thank you for your prayers of peace because I have walked in them all day.

Masie really wanted to bring this Dr. a gift. So last night we created a "Joy" Jar to give to him. I shared with her that he sometimes sees really sick children and may need to find something to have joy about. She collected all her marbles (the toy kind not the head kind:) and put them in a bag to give to him (even though it was tied with a pink ribbon). Each time he felt happy about something he could add a marble to his jar. You should have seen his face when she gave him this gift. I know I was blessed by it and it was obvious he was too.

God will not waste a single prayer that was prayed on Masie's behalf. He has a reason for all of this though we may never know. If I had a Joy jar I would fill it up because we are not facing a life threatening issue - just life changing:) When faced with scary possibilities it has a way of making you embrace more fully what you already have. We are giving out hugs and kisses by the dozen, reading longer and laughing more...counting our blessings for sure.

More on this as I get info but until then there are 6 yr old Birthday Party inviations to make, a baby room to complete and lots in between:)

Please Pray

Hey friends, family and passers by! My family is in need of prayer. In April/May we began to notice Masie Kate (5) doing some really weird things with her eyes. It's hard to describe in words - it's something you have to see for yourself. During the summer, other family members began to notice the funny "head jerk" and eye movement also. We thought it may have been from all the diving and swimming but decided to take her to a well known Ped. Ophthalmologist in August. After a 3 hour eye exam, she has 20/20 vision and no real explanation of the funny eye movement. We decided to drop all conversations of it and just observe her for a while - maybe it was just a weird habit.

In the last 4 weeks, it has gotten much worse. Sometimes it happens multiple times in a row where I have trouble getting her attention. Ryan and I decided it was time to talk with her about it. Her description has opened many doors of possible explanations. She said she is seeing "black bubbles" and when she jerks her head and moves her eyes she is trying to clear them. She says that if she tilts her head back she sees "sparkles" and has to bend her chin down to get clear vision again. I asked if she was having head aches and she said yes. I asked her why she hasn't told me and she replied, "I don't want to take yucky medicine".

Early Monday morning, I had a "come to Jesus" so to speak. I told God that I was going to CHOOSE to walk in peace and fight off fear but I had one request...an explanation. At 8:00 I called the Opth. and asked for an appointment (which I knew I would have to wait for - he's the busiest in SA). After describing what was going on with our girl, they got me in at 1:45 that day. The DR. gave us his diagnosis (what he thinks is the problem). Its called Congenital Oculomoter Apraxia (COMA). However, he wanted us to see a Ped. Neurologist and have an MRI just to rule out anything else. The only problem with his diagnosis is it doesn't address AT ALL the bubbles and sparkles MK is experiencing. Also, the "head jerking" isn't because she can't move her eyes its because she's trying to clear her vision.

We have an appointment with the Ped. Neurologist tomorrow at 9:15 and a MRI Monday at 9:45. At first we weren't going to be seen until mid December but after an explanation we got our slot in just two days (God is good). Here is where you come in...

Please pray for the following:

1. For Masie to be completely honest in her responses. That she would not feel ANY pressure to say what she thinks we want to hear. This is so important for an authentic evaluation.

2. That I would recall ANY detail in the last few months that is out of character for her and not feel silly about documenting it. In the last two weeks she has complained of her legs aching, her back hurting and has asked to take a nap a few times...yet has continued to play her guts out!

3. That Dr. Gay would be able to determine what is going on. That he would be full of understanding towards me and Masie, would speak in such a way that I could understand and most importantly that he would go with his gut. Two Drs. have told me that they feel certain that the MRI will be clear and that the Neuro report would be negative for anything out of the ordinary. That would be great however, I want to be certain and I am asking for God to pour out discernment and wisdom on Dr. Gay.

4. Finally, please pray that all of this would be resolved quickly. I know God is capable of healing with no further explanation. However, if He chooses not to, I am trusting Him for an explanation so I can have a "sound mind" and not live in the "what ifs" and speculation.

When we get through at the Neurologist I will send out an update - even if things are still up in the air.

With much hope-

Stacy

The Innocence Preserve

We have all heard of wildlife preserves. A sacred place where nearly extinct animals can be themselves - a natural habitat that is fiercely protected in an attempt to bring back a dying breed. Well, this past year Ryan and I have worked on creating an "Innocence Preserve" in our backyard. Our mission is to create a sacred habitat for our children that is fiercely protected in an attempt to preserve the ever fleeting innocence of childhood. In my own life, childhood slipped mysteriously from my grasp so very early.

We began with a creek. We wanted a place were children and adults would want to be together. Ryan dug and excavated (literally) through all kinds of rocks. He and I mixed our own concrete for the surrounding sidewalk and bottom our our creek. Ryan hunted and collected rocks from our property to build the banks of the creek, rock paths and even found a perfect rock for a bridge. Did I mention we live in the Hill Country with nothing but rocks? Ryan used his eye for art and engineering mind to create a creek that looks like you stumbled upon it. Adults and children can not resist putting their feet in - the sound of the waterfalls call you to come and stay awhile.

We have been so blessed by the creativity and laughter of the children that have buzzed in the creek. The favorite past time of my girls is playing "Little House of the Prairie". They wash their dishes in the creek, they strip to their underwear to wash their clothes in the creek and hang them to dry across the bridge. Through out the summer our freezer was stocked (still is) with Popsicles. We are known to have Popsicle dates at the creek first thing in the morning...truly a perfect Popsicle paradise.

Next came the cabana. Ryan built it from cedar cut from my brother-in-law's property and roofed it with tin given to us by his Uncle (many, many thanks). The cabana is unfinished but one day there will be a smoker, grill, storage cabinets and a huge cedar table that can fit a dozen or more of our friends and family. A grown up recreation area to enjoy the sounds of God. We have great expectation of long conversations that build each other up, great food that gives life to our bodies and fantastic sights that inspire us to love what is lovely. Maybe you will join us:)

Finally, the Shanty as Masie Kate fondly calls it. Ryan built a little house (6ft in the air) for our girls to practice being mommies, wives, sisters, princesses and whatever else their girlhood hearts conjure up. To enter their domain, they can cross a Swiss Family Robinson bridge from our deck or they can climb a windmill and scamper a catwalk that invites you to knock on their door. They have a slide that comes out of the back of their house for grand exits and quick escapes! Baking in their garage sale kitchen is an acorn pie, bubbling over on the stove is soup de jour made with magical broth from the creek and to drink in the tiniest tea cups is rose petal tea. Sounds delightful doesn't it!

The Innocence Preserve really is the most wonderful and powerful place in our lives. When our children are grown, when the cousins return from college and distant friends look back our hope is they will remember fondly of the sites, smells and sounds of their childhood. Maybe we will be part of a lasting memory that brings a smile to their face. Innocence is so easily snatched, so quickly gone earlier and earlier these days. Join with us, make a place, create a space, set your heart to protect the sacred ground of childhood that God has entrusted to you whether through your kids, grandkids, neighbors or students. Let's turn off the T.V. (I know its hard trust me-I battle it every day) and go outside for a while. Be amazed and give God glory for He is in the midst of children.

Blessed are the pure in heart

Lord, teach me how to protect them from the start

Give me nerve

To fight the fight of our Innocence Preserve

Bring me the child you've created to be free

Let the children come is what You've spoken to me.

With each child You send accross our path

May we embrace and nurture the innocent or face Your wrath.

How precious to you are the pure in heart

May we pass on a legacy to those we love

That lives on when we are apart.

This Innocence Preserve we dedicate to YOU

You are our hope to see our prince and princesses through.

Almost Mother of Three

Lord it's me.
You know,
the woman who is about to be a mother to three.
We've come so far - You and me...
Fighting the fight to overcome insecurity.
Lord, just this week, I've taken a tumble.
My feet are moving so fast they easily stumble.
The mountain of expectations are so high...
The laundry room is scattered with clothes,
Both my girls have a runny nose,
Sticky fingerprints I find through the house,
If you look around I must be a slouch...Did you not see the
snot marks on my couch?
It seems the work is never completely done and surely there isn't time for Your Son.
The pressure is mounting,
No wonder my smiling lips are frowning.
Am I the woman You want me to be?
Are You sure about this almost mother of three?

Ahhhh, what's that Lord? Is it Your voice?
It's hard to hear for all the noise. So many opinions,
so many better than me. Especailly, those mommies who have at LEAST three.


The truth is, Stacy, there is none like you.
Quit your moping, you've got a job to do.
It is not the clean toilet others see that gets you closer to Me.
Surrender those thoughts about expectations and pressure -
My shoulders are big, yours are lesser.
Those little girls, snotty noses and all,
are blessings not curses especially when you fall.
Hold your head up, get your knees dirty,
embrace the woman I've made you, now that you are thirty.
We've come so far, you and ME.
My love for you sometimes you can't see.
Just look around, I AM is in your midst.
Even when you are moody and tift...
You are My beloved, You belong to Me.
There is no one else, there never could be-
For, You are THE Mother I've
hand picked for your bundle of three.